How to come across responsible as an ENTP.

As Entp types we are often misunderstood to be flighty, childish and irresponsible. Most of these attributes can be linked to how people perceive the Extroverted Intuition. It can be an unjustified label as most people prefer the predictable. And ofcourse let's be honest spending a lot of time brainstorming ideas and running late due to being perceivers can give the image we are not adult like. The fact that Si is our weak function means we tend to come across scatter brained, forgetful and overly excited. 

Worry not, below I have created a list of things we can all do to appear more responsible. Let's tackle this!

1.Presentation.

 Put effort in how you dress and your body language. I don't mean start wearing suits and dresses but I'm sure you'll agree there's no need for me to convince you on the importance of appearance. Look in the mirror and ask yourself what do my clothes say about me? What is my body language saying? Do I like the way I communicate? Am I happy with my style? Are you proud of who you are and how you present yourself to the world?

2.  Do things ASAP

When you agree to do something do it ASAP. Get it over and done with. No one should have to run after you reminding you for two weeks about something you still haven't done. It is irresponsible. This includes responding to a text message, washing the dishes and paying a bill. Act like there is no tomorrow. Today is all you have. Do things straight away. I know the detailed stuff annoys us but if you do it it's less likely to bite you in the bum later on. Trust me. 

3. Say no.

 Resist the temptation to agree to everything unless you really are passionate about doing it. You can always have a think and let person know afterwards that you can do them the favor or join their project; but it is highly embarrasing to not keep your word once agreeing. It is all about integrity. You'd rather say no than agree to do something you realise you can't be asked doing. Also check your diary. I can not tell you the amount of times I book events on the same day as a family wedding or arrange a coaching session for  a client when we are expecting guests over at home.

4. Mediate between people.

 Entp are good at understanding everyone's perspective (due to our extroverted intuition) so help people to mediate. Open up communication by exposing view points to both sides and helping them find a win win situation.

5. Problem solve

Having both Ne which helps us see many options and solutions we also have Ti which enables us to narrow down all solutions to the most efficient one. We can remain detached,  think into the future and predict set backs so we make brilliant problem solvers.

6. Use your intuition to share  ideas and creativity.

 Channel your extroverted intuition by giving ideas, suggestions and novel ways to do things. You are a breath of fresh air. 

7. Show snippets of your (Ti) deep thinking on matters. 

Pick a subject you know that is close to the person you are talking to and relevant. Most people think we are just idea people and are often taken by surprise when they hear our thoughts. 

 8 manage your time. 

Meet deadlines and arrive on time to appointments and social events. There's a huge difference between recharging coz you are quite introverted and being a lazy monkey. Be honest with yourself. When you are running late for a professional meeting or a social do INFORM others! Best thing is to actually call instead of texting. It comes across professional and grown up.

9. Start saving money. 

Having to ask someone to borrow money comes across immature and as though you don't have any long vision. I know that sounds like the paradox. Entp types are Intuitive and we love thinking of future possibilities and implications but when it  comes to finance I am so in the moment; no idea where the long vision goes! I shall be doing a post on finance management for entp types later but one way to save money is to actually invest it into a business or even lend it to someone. If it is out of sight you are less likely to splash it.

10 Learn to notice the personality of your audience/companion.

 I don't mean do an MBTI questionnaire but noticing simple things such as are they laid back or do they seem direct? Is the person showing a lot of understanding and empathy or are they coming across more logic based? If you take into account their background it will help you relate. It will give you a better idea on how they will prefer you  responding to them. There's no need to spend 30 minutes getting theoretical when the person would have preferred the facts and the overall outcome. If you get carrived away talking the person who has a keen eye on time and efficiency will not appreciate it.

11 Be consistent.

As Entps we abhor routine. Feeling our time is taken up doing predictable things can suffocate us. It is for this very reason I have to stress that you become selective in the things you agree to commit to. we are notorious when it comes to projects only to realise many aren't interesting enough which means we struggle with continuing. It helps to think about the favour/project before diving in. Even the projects you come up with yourself, be realistic and ask yourself   'Why am I passionate about this? Am I just bored or do I believe in this? Will I be able to use a lot of creativity, brainstorming in this project? Will I have opportunity to research into related field? Will I get to problem solve? Is this going to challenge me? Is it exciting? Like really really exciting? Will it make me more competent?' If answers are No then move on.  Have consistency also in maintaining your contact with family and friends, routine etc. Let people know that they are important.

12 Closure.

No running off after just starting something. Maintain things and complete things. If it is mundane it will teach you to think more carefully before agreeing to something. If you have genuine reason for not being able to continue something (other than dying of boredom) then COMMUNICATE. Let your colleagues/ partner know how you feel and what you have decided. Just like in a career you don't just go off radar it is the same thing with projects/ agreements. Thank others for the opportunity, mention how it has helped you develop and the support you received, and then politely inform them of your decision to no longer take part. This way you have shown appreciation, consideration and ended things in a smooth manner. If you must disappear no one will want to work with you again.

13 Show your long term planning as it comes across thoughtful and strategic.

Talk about your career and education plans, But don't get carried away as it will make you come across unrealistic and as a dreamer.  :)  Let people know implications of certain actions or even solutions. If someone is solving something but it's typically just a short term solution, give credit where its due and then suggest some long term solutions too (stick to 2 max as most people will feel overwhelmed). It will be appreciated. As for those who ignore the long term solutions they  will soon realise you were right and will begin to value your insight. 

14 Speak to the point.

 Most people find intuition alluring and insightful but throw in too many theories and abstract information and people will zone out or feel you have gone off topic and haven't understood the point/question  they made. Allow other person to speak, ask them questions. We all love to be heard. Listen to understand not to respond. (There's a difference.) As entp we can understand other people's perspectives due to Ne so reflect this back. People will love you, find you insightful and understanding. Remember to pause for effect when talking as it engages audience. If you are talking at 90 mph you will come across overly excited and childish. People associate inexperience with childish.

15 Give people a sneak peak of you getting on with tasks/responsibility. 

The fact we don't stress about things makes people wrongly assume we aren't bothered and the task isn't important enough. The truth is we are too laid back and also procrastinators. So inform others of your progress. It will help in two ways. Firstly, it allows others to know you are  working on the task and secondly it will motivate you to get started! 

Things to stop doing.

Cut back on the crude jokes and the sarcasm. Its fine when around family and friends and even in small doses but when it comes to impressions it can make you come across immature and insensitive.

It's okay to not share the first awesome idea that comes to your mind. Find the right time to pitch it. Treat it like something important. Imagine you were a politician you wouldnt just blabber away. You would treat it as highly classified information.

Don't justify your behaviour. Ever. I know as Entp types we are fantastic at coming up with excuses but you will sound like a teenager. It is all about integrity. Personally I would struggle here. As a teen I'd always justify my behaviour even when I knew I was wrong. Then I stopped. Now I find with some people that if I don't explain why I did something they act like I don't have remorse but if I do explain my behaviour they see it as justifying/ not taking responsibility! You can't win with people. Now I first admit my mistake, or why there seems to be a misundersating. I'll say something like 'Oh, it seems you think that... I'm surprised you think so because...'  I first reflect empathy then clarify the situation. Alternatively if it was a genuine mistake, I apologise , say how I think the person may be feeling and agree that in future I'll do XYZ.

Don't promise anything. Do first then inform person you have done it. It is impressive. Promise and your likely to change your mind, feel annoyed at now feeling obliged to do the task/ favour. Last thing you want is to come across as though you have no honesty/ integrity. Be a man /woman of your word. 

Don't share all  your ideas. We love brainstorming but only a few come to fruitation . We can come across as airy fairy at the least and uncommitted at worst. Besides you have so many ideas others will easily pinch your idea. Simply jot them down in your idea book.

Don't ramble. When someone asks a question be as precise as you can when responding. Do mention abstract things but let the abstract point be the side thing not your main point and ensure it is related in an obvious way. So if you remember some reaserch you came across instead of rambling on about it ask the person if they have come across this reasrch or throw it in casually how interestingly you just read X article/ watched X TED talk.

Remember things. Our Ne means we are rarely ever in the moment and due to being perceivers and also juggling so much we are more likely than other types to forget things. Put reminders in your phone, computer and on your fridge. Anywhere. Ask a friend to remind you. Fortunately, I have an isfj mum so it helps.

I've been very straight up here but that's coz I know us Entp prefer straight up stuff. I've kept it simple so it doesn't turn into a manifesto. Feel free to add anything else by commenting. Personally I have realised how I come across irresponsible mainly to my parents (entj dad and isfj mum!) Hence, I have been thinking a lot on how to tweak my behaviour to come across more responsible!

Till next time!

Haleema

Now read this post on  Relating with others effectively.

Struggle with being in the moment as an Entp.

On my journey to becoming a psychotherapist I have discovered so much about myself and one eye opening thing I noticed is that I struggle with being in the moment. In fact I am rarely ever in the moment. Like other NT types I understand we are future oriented, hence good at predicting future and coming up with long term solutions, intuitive people are a minority so being able to also come up with tonnes of possibilities and vision the future is definitely an amazing quality. But as with all strengths it has a blind spot. We are never truly here; in this moment.
We can often tell ourselves this moment is boring. For me I've realised it is more than boring. I use the word boring as a scapegoat. Truth is being in the moment means being aware of my feelings and actually staying with them. It tends to terrify me. I don't want to feel sadness, vulnerability, anxiety nor other feelings that I label as 'negative'. In avoiding this though I refuse to allow myself to become fully aware of myself as a whole person. As individuals we are not just our thoughts but also our feelings and our body sensations. I can always tell you my thoughts on things even when I'm put on the spot but ask me what I'm feeling and I'll be fumbling for words. I will spend minutes trying to figure out how I feel but comment with an "I'm feeling okay".
That's pretty sad.
We live our lives wanting to be understood by others but truth is we aren't even willing to  fully understand and accept our ownselves. We know a part of our selves that we speak of and present to others but ignore another part. Why?
What are we scared of?

If embracing our selves will change things then I promise you yes it will.
It will make you whole.
It will make you stronger. There's a sense of power and contentment that comes with saying to yourself I am okay with all of me. My thoughts, my values and my feelings, I embrace you all even though I may not fully understand you. I am okay with staying with my feelings and delving into them. I will explore them and see where they take me. Being real with our selves helps us to develop as individuals.
Don't live your life as a stranger even to yourself.
Be more aware of your self.
Embrace being you.
It is only once we fully embrace ourselves that we are able to embrace others.

Lots of love.

Haleema

Xxx

Relating tips for ENTP personality types.

Hello lovely Entp types!

I hope you are all feeling awesome! I have been reflecting back to high school where I learnt a lot of lessons when it came to socialising. So, I have compiled a few bullet points.

As Entp types we notice the inconsistencies in people's arguments (a typical NT thing). We also notice when someone says an opinion and puts it forward as a fact. It irritates us. So we find ourselves correcting people and if that doesn't work we point out the flaws and we gladly give correct replacements full of facts, research and what we feel is common sense. :) We love sharing our well researched and refined thoughts on subjects. In fact we get quite carried away and often don't realise when other person is feeling intimidated, bored or even confused. 

 Others may be labelling you as argumentative and insensitive, forget what they say and just remember this.
You are intelligent, witty and crazy in a good way. Yes, you get carried away and a bit too passionate about proving something is not logical but you don't mean it in a horrid way. Remember yesterday does not define you. So forget what went wrong yesterday and what someone said about you. Today is a fresh start and you are in control. You are the author of your story. The way you think is essential when it comes to moving forward and developing as an individual. So the first thing is believing you can be the best version of yourself.

Here are a few things to keep in mind.

1.  Relating is about understanding people. When someone talks instead of noticing how illogical and inaccurate their words are try and see what has led them to having this opinion. You will also notice that for most people they don't want to argue about atheism versus religion or whether time travel is possible. People don't want to talk about whether abortion is okay or feminism. By people I mean most people in high school. So the point is let that be okay. Find something else to talk about. We all know what it  is like when we have to sit and listen to someone talk about a topic we either can't relate to  or find boring. As Entp types we find theories, philosophies fascinating and we could sit four hours discussing and arguing point. Here's the headline. Most people find that boring and will eventually find it irritating if we talk about theoretical topics. So instead use your awesome extroverted intuition to find a topic in common that you feel is interesting and give it a twist. An example is I hate talking about make up but I don't mind talking about make up made with natural ingredients. When people go on and on about designer bags and I wish they were talking about gadgets I simply point out a brand who kill crocodiles to make their handbags then I ask how they feel about this. See. Conversations don't have to be boring!

2. Speak in a calm manner and remember that most people are Sensory types which means they will lose you if you jump from point to point. They will also not pick up on how you have connected two seemingly different points together. So, point out specifically how a new point your making is related to first point. Ask people if they understand and remember to give examples. If you are being misunderstood calmly clarify your views. If you are still being misunderstood simply let person know and add how it makes you feel. "I have tried to explain but I feel we have rather different opinions and are struggling to see eye to eye. Let's leave it here and maybe we can pick up from here in future some time/ be okay with our differences" Remember we can give people information but we can not make anyone understand nor can we make anyone change their views. We can influence people by selecting our words wisely. We can influence people through listening to them and making them feel heard. We can be warm and draw people to us and we can use stories and humor when explaining points so people can relate. The better we understand the personality of the person we are talking to will allow us to understand what kind of information they prefer. Tailor your information to suit the personality and needs of the person you are talking to. Talking isn't about us feeling good with our arguing skills and our intelligence. Talking is about people feeling you have heard what they said, understood them and shared some insightful gems or practical tips.

3. Pick up on people's facial expressions. Is person still listening to you? Are they fidgeting and wishing they could be elsewhere ? Do they look intimidated? As soon as you notice do something! Ask the person a question about the topic, mention a story, ask them their opinion and give them the spotlight. As soon as you notice someone's bored takes different direction that's more engaging. As I mentioned above most people don't like getting too theoretical so stick to basics. Give people ideas and practical tips. People always appreciate both. If they are still interested maybe send them a link to an article or video. Keep it sweet and simple. Trust me they will ask you for more information if they need it. There's no rush. As Entp types we sometimes want to share everything in our heads with people. All our thoughts, philosophies and research. Give people bite size and let them ask for more.

4. You have an advantage of understanding very quickly complex things so share your understanding with others when they are struggling. Break it down and present it in your up beat, creative and humorous manner. It will be appreciated. Also when talking to others instead of noticing the argument and how inaccurate it is. Step back and just understand the person's perspective then reflect it back. "So you believe that ..." "You speak so passionately about..."
Let the person know the points you agree with them on. As a society I feel we often point out our differences but  overlook our similarities. We allow the differences to create barriers yet don't allow the similarities to bond us. Focus on the common ground you have with someone.

5. Entp types are fantastic at solving problems. We are future oriented so we easily see what would work in the long run. We can pick up flaws to avoid unnecessary issues and with our brain storming strength we tend to come up with more than one solution. Use these strengths to help family and friends solve their problems. :) One thing to remember when someone talks about a problem though is you may come across individuals who are struggling with a situation but want to talk about how they feel instead of solutions. We all have our preferences. So long as something works for a person and makes them feel comfortable that is absolutely fine.

 6. Once we develop our introverted thinking we have a strong sense of right and wrong. We detest authority figures who justify wrong and even when it comes to ourselves we hold ourselves accountable. At this stage we are less likely to justify our actions simply coz we are brilliant at being our own defence lawyers. That's brilliant coz most people will appreciate you being straight up.

7. Everyone seems to think they are right. Now whether everyone has a good argument or not, the thing to remember is we are all individuals and we come to different conclusions in our lives. We change as we experience and learn. Its okay for people to be illogical and to believe in things which seem absurd to us. Allow them. We are all entitled to our opinions regardless of how they maybe labelled. It is also perfectly fine if someone prefers talking about how something made them feel instead of the theory side of things. Not everyone wants to figure out how and why something happened.

I hope these help. I've kept points to a minimum so its not an overload. I would also like to apologise for my lack of consistency in blogging. Sorry! I hope to write more regularly.

Lots of love
Haleema

Xxx