Struggle with being in the moment as an Entp.

On my journey to becoming a psychotherapist I have discovered so much about myself and one eye opening thing I noticed is that I struggle with being in the moment. In fact I am rarely ever in the moment. Like other NT types I understand we are future oriented, hence good at predicting future and coming up with long term solutions, intuitive people are a minority so being able to also come up with tonnes of possibilities and vision the future is definitely an amazing quality. But as with all strengths it has a blind spot. We are never truly here; in this moment.
We can often tell ourselves this moment is boring. For me I've realised it is more than boring. I use the word boring as a scapegoat. Truth is being in the moment means being aware of my feelings and actually staying with them. It tends to terrify me. I don't want to feel sadness, vulnerability, anxiety nor other feelings that I label as 'negative'. In avoiding this though I refuse to allow myself to become fully aware of myself as a whole person. As individuals we are not just our thoughts but also our feelings and our body sensations. I can always tell you my thoughts on things even when I'm put on the spot but ask me what I'm feeling and I'll be fumbling for words. I will spend minutes trying to figure out how I feel but comment with an "I'm feeling okay".
That's pretty sad.
We live our lives wanting to be understood by others but truth is we aren't even willing to  fully understand and accept our ownselves. We know a part of our selves that we speak of and present to others but ignore another part. Why?
What are we scared of?

If embracing our selves will change things then I promise you yes it will.
It will make you whole.
It will make you stronger. There's a sense of power and contentment that comes with saying to yourself I am okay with all of me. My thoughts, my values and my feelings, I embrace you all even though I may not fully understand you. I am okay with staying with my feelings and delving into them. I will explore them and see where they take me. Being real with our selves helps us to develop as individuals.
Don't live your life as a stranger even to yourself.
Be more aware of your self.
Embrace being you.
It is only once we fully embrace ourselves that we are able to embrace others.

Lots of love.

Haleema

Xxx